Tomorrow is Max's first day of school. He is SO excited, and so am I.... mostly. I'm excited because he is so ready for the challenge and stimulation of Prep, but I'm nervous about my baby boy going out there on his own. School seems like such a huge step and nothing in our house will ever be the same. 5 mornings a week of being out the door by 8.45am, 5 days of lunch box menus, 5 days a week of making sure his uniform is clean, washed and ironed. Hmm...this seems so much more about me than about him. *wink*
But starting school is about him and trust me, my head has been swimming for the past few days as the big day approaches.
Last year Clair Bremner's little boy Koby started school. I remember reading her blog when she documented her thoughts about starting school and everything she wrote resonated with me. Yesterday I searched through her archives and found that post to see whether I still felt the same way she did this time last year...and I do. I could have written it word for word.
This is what she wrote...
I'm scared.
I'm worried.
I haven't taught him enough.
i have babied him too much.
spoilt him.
haven't spent enough time with him reading.
Going over numbers.
teaching him to write properly.
to spell.
I haven't taught him enough about the world and how mean people can be.
I'm worried he will be bullied.
i'm scared he will become a bully.
What if i'm late picking him up and he gets scared?
what if he thinks i'm not coming?
what if i embarrass him?
what if he gets lost?
what if one day he's not there when i go to pick him up?
what if no one notices?
What if he gets hurt?
What if he feels too pressured?
What if he cries in front of everyone and is labeled a baby?
a mummy's boy?
what if he can't keep up?
what if he gets bored?
i can't protect him anymore.
i can't stand up for him
i can't unwrap his fruit bars.
i won't be there to tell him to slow down.
to pay attention.
to pick up his rubbish.
to join in.
to smile.
i'm not ready...... but he is.
I'll be back tomorrow with some photos from the big day... after I've had a good cry because my baby has gone to school.
2 comments:
Oh what a lovely post, I had tears in my eyes reading it. Seeing those pictures of Max as a baby and growing up.....where has that time gone! I so wish we could rewind and go back to those early days. I agree with everything you wrote......your such a lovely writer, I love reading your blogs, esp when it's about the kids. Love you xxxx
Hang on I will be back in a second need to get the tissues to wipe my eye so I can read the rest of your post. (hugs to you) I can only imagine what its like to let your first born go off and be independant. Well during school hours anyway. xxxFelicity
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